Paranoia is slowly devouring my whole entity. Something pretty much bothers me every minute of my everyday these days. I am afraid to disclose the exact issue because it will always remind me of what it is that's bothering me and that's exactly what I'm trying to avoid. I was never like this before, perhaps because the things that bothered me in the past were temporary - in my full awareness. Unlike now, I am not entirely sure if it will eventually leave me alone, especially in my current state of slight mental imbalance.
There are moments that my worries take a break. Those are moments that I am either occupied with something or when I have the strength to say fuck it, I don't care anymore. But those times don't usually last long. I would eventually go back to that gloomy, fearful state that I feel most of the time. And it really sucks because I can't do anything about it and I don't want to, either. At least for now.
I just hope that time would very soon heal what I'm being paranoid about. I really hope it does. I can't seem to completely tell anyone about this - probably because I'm kind of ashamed or whatever - but I'm gonna leave it at that for now. If I come to a moment when I discover everything I have been worrying about won't actually affect my life after all, I'll be the happiest person alive.
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